Iowa Legalizes Gay Marriages...Iowa?!

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 4 April 2009


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97 percent of the nation's corn comes from Iowa, the other 3 percent comes from country music

DES MOINES, Iowa - The state of Iowa, reeling from the crumbling national economy has hit on an amazingly fantastic idea that will surely bring in tens of thousands of visitors including probably about 9,000 just from the San Francisco area alone.

The Iowa Supreme Court in a sharp-as-a-tack move has just passed a bill that will legalize gay marriage.

A high ranking official in the Iowa Department of Marriages, Glynis Pettifogger was asked by CNN's Anderson Cooper if passing the gay marriage bill isn't kind of queer, or make that, strange given the fact that there are no gay people living in Iowa.

Ms. Pettifogger smiled and said that he was totally misinformed because Iowa does have several gay citizens.

When Cooper asked 'Who?', Pettifogger replied, "Well let me make sure that I have my notes correct...yes gay Iowans include Ambrose F. Payette, a hairdresser who lives in Waterloo, Kelvis Getminski, a makeup artist who works at the Sioux City Wal-Mart, Zhivago Clutch, who resides in Council Bluffs and makes ankle bracelets out of corn kernels, and the Saddleside sisters Mona and Cayenne who own a Clay Aiken Novelty Store in Dubuque."

Cooper said, "Okay, five people out of an entire population of what?...somewhere around 3 million."

"Look Mr. Anderson Cooper, we the highly respected citizens of the lovely state of Iowa, home to the University of Iowa, The Museum of Corn Flakes, The Museum of Corncob Pipes, The Museum of Corndogs, The Museum of Cornrows, and the birthplace of Buffalo Bill Cody, Mamie Eisenhower, Johnny Carson, and Flipper do not appreciate an Eastern city slicker such as yourself coming down to our beloved, law-abiding, and same-sex loving little Frito-shaped state and trying to stir up some s*it."

"You mean sh*t."

"No I mean s*it."

"Hey, hayseed, nobody spells shit with an asterisk in the place of the H, they spell it with the asterisk in the place of the I.

"Anderson, you're stupid."

"Bite me!"

"Bite this!"

"Bite that!"

"Bite this and that and those."

In a related story. Reports coming out of New York City say that Anderson Cooper's ex-upstairs maid, Ukelele Klickatat is suing him because he reportedly bit her on her left tibia one night when they were watching an episode of "Hell's Kitchen."

Cooper emphatically denies the charge saying that the cigar-smoking, beer-drinking bitch tripped on a quarter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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