SAN FRANCISCO, CA - According to my source, secret agent Yskinmien (whose name has been changed for his protection), the toilet torcher has been caught. The toilet torcher has been torturing toilets around the area with explosive diarrhea. He then used a cigarette lighter to explode the resulting methane gas, leaving the portable toilettes in flames.
Secret Service agents began tailing him after noting that he ate 15 plates of beans at a local Mexican restaurant - in five minutes.
"He didn't even belch once", Yskinmien told me.
Yskinmien will collect the reward of $4,000 from a well known American company that makes and sells beans.
Over 100 toilets on San Francisco construction sites had been set on fire in the city prior to the capture, my source, who collared the suspect himself, told me.
The cost of the damage has been estimated at $345,000.
"When I saw him eat all those beans, I knew he was our man. All that gas had to go somewhere", Yskinmien concluded. The man's identity is being concealed, but we do have one clue. He is a former government official, often hanging out in "undisclosed locations." He is also quite dangerous with a loaded gun in his hand.
