Mr. Elmer "Barrel" Joe Lee of Boogertown was in a near fatal accident yesterday trying to jog off a few pounds of fat according to Boogertown Police and was arrested for his part in an incident in which several people were injured.
Mr. Lee, who is very corpulent (411 pounds), was given a jogging suit by his wife Buena Dale, in the hope that he would take up exercizing to lose weight.
Wanting to please her, Barrel attempted to go outside for a jog but found he was too obese to fit through the front door.
He and his wife then removed the French door to the patio.
"He even had trouble getting through that," Mrs. Lee said, "until I convinced him to leave the sack of Snickers at home."
Police reports are sketchy on what happened next, but apparently Barrel started running down the hill that leads you out of Boogertown, tripped, and began rolling.
He gained momentum as he careened downward, partially crushing several small cars, and knocking one person coming out of the beauty shop, Helen Pickle, back into the shop.
At the bottom of the hill, Mr. Lee was credited with sideswiping a truck full of pork fat headed for the Firm Boy Restaurant and bowling over at least eight out of a group of ten Mormons with backpacks.
Police were then called to the Honest Harry's Grocery & Salvage Market parking lot where Barrel was arrested for "reckless rolling" and "traveling 45 in a 25 mile zone."
Also arrested at the scene were several unruly teenagers who witnessed the Mormons being knocked down. They reportedly attempted to liberate Mr. Barrel from police custody and roll him back up the hill past the eight fallen Mormon missionaries so that he could "go for the spare."
