Jilted Melissa Goes From "Bachelor" To "Dancing With The Stars"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 13 March 2009

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Melissa Rycroft rehearsing her salsa routine on "Dancing With The Stars"

HOLLYWOOD - Melissa Rycroft who was picked by Jason "The Bachelor" Mesnick to be his bride, went from being ecstatically happy to being dumped by him before millions on national TV, to being injured Nancy O'Dell's replacement on "Dancing With The Stars."

The former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader is paired with Tony Dovolani.

Tony who is one of the best dancers on the show said that he knows how to bring out the best in Melissa. For their first dance they did a Paso Doble. Tony hit upon the idea of wearing a "Bachelor's" mask in order to get Melissa to be able to kick high.

So as Tony danced, Melissa just instinctly kicked and kicked and kicked pleasing her instructor beyond belief while relieving some pent up anger that she still feels toward Jason "The Crying Bachelor" Mesnick.

Tony stated that Melissa definitely has all of the right tools and that they are all certainly in the right places.

He said that with Mel's talent, looks, legs, butt, and boobs she most undoubtedly has the potential to go all of the way.

While Tony and Mel were practicing they had a visitor. It was none other than last year's participant 82-year-old Cloris Leachman.

Cloris said that she had gone out shopping for milk, bread, and a push up bra and she just decided to stop by to wish them both well.

She kissed Tony and then took his hand and placed it ever so gently on one of her breasts. Tony turned red, Melissa giggled, and Cloris handed Tony $15.

She then turned to Melissa and said that the secret to being successful on "Dancing With The Stars" is to show as much skin as possible.

She said that there is no dancer who shows more skin than the 27-year-old Warsaw born dance instructor Edyta Sliwinska.

Cloris added that her last year's partner, Corky Ballas taught her the art of floor sliding.

She said that they worked out several routines where Corky would toss her and she would slide on the floor between Corky's legs.

She grinned and said that this accomplished two things. One, it gave her a few moments of rest time. And two, it gave the female audience members an opportunity to see some crotch shots of her partner.

Mel asked her if that wasn't cheating. And Cloris said that once you get out on the dance floor and your song starts there is nothing that is off limits.

She said that last year while she was standing in front of the judges to get their comments, she walked over and touched judge Len Goodman on his extreme upper thigh. She said that Goodman gave her a 9.

Another time she rubbed her elbow against Carrie Ann Inaba's right breast and that night Inaba gave her a 10.

So as of right now. Las Vegas is showing Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani as the odds on favorites.

In related news. Melissa has just signed to star with Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock in Fox Searchlight Pictures, Those Beautiful Big-Butted Kardashian Sisters.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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