American President Barack Obama today announced that the USA was changing its name to the USSR, to keep in line with its government's recent actions.
'Yes, indeedy doody', he said, 'Comrades. We are now the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, and our policies of state socialism are already taking effect. Our nationalisation of major American banks was our first glorious act of the Revolution, under President Bushznev, and soon it will be the turn of the motor car industry. I am also changing my name from Barrack Hussein Obama to Vladimir 'John' Lenin, in support of this new socialist America.'
When one reporter asked the President what else the USA had done to turn it into a Soviet country, he replied: 'Remember when we, as a capitalist nation, criticised the Russians for illegally invading Afganistan? Heh heh, it's come full circle now, and the Russians are now the free-market country, while we try and illegally impose our political system on the Afghans!'
'And don't forget that our elections are now ridiculous and pointless, just like the Soviet ones were, George W Bush could barely speak English let alone run a country. And I ain't much of an improvement on him, I'm just another Ronnie Reagan-syle Prez with no power or policies - have another Smirnoff.'
But in Moscow, former President Vlad 'The Impaler of America' Putin said: 'You'd think the suckers would have learnt from our mistakes, but no. Soon China will be opening up and the EU has become a single state, so it's bye bye America! The world is doing quite nicely without the USA, you stick to state socialism and we'll run the businesses from now on, thanks. Have another Baltika.'
Joseph McCarthy may be brought out of retirement soon, to admit to the Senate that Karl Marx was right all along and that the American free market is failing, and that war is the ultimate version of capitalism.
The rest of the world already knew all this a hundred years ago.
