(Washington DC) Congress approved today a special Stool Tax to help fight global warming. A $10.00 tax on stools was issued for everyone over the age of eighteen. The new law was the last one signed by George W. Bush and takes effect immediately.
The new tax bills mandates construction of Fecal Monitoring Stations (FMS) in every state. The stations will be modelled after the efficient and beloved state motor vehicle centers. The FMS will be manned by the same helpful beaurocrats. Hours of operation are 8AM to 6PM. The centers will be closed weekends.
Taxpayers are advised to come naked to the FMS, no clothed taxpayers will be accepted. The taxpayer will defecate in front of at least 3 state employees in a glass toilet. The fece(s) will then be weighed, analysed, photographed, stamped, numbered, and given back to the taxpayer for disposal. Any disposal of feces on state or non-state premises is illegal. Summary execution is the penalty for unauthorized fecal disposal.
The $10.00 per stool tax must be paid immediately. Noncompliance with any of the Stool Tax provisions will also result in a quick execution.
Only one FMS will be built for each county. Major cities may build two FMS, but only with an act of Congress. It is recommended taxpayers come to the centers between 10AM and 2PM to avoid expected wait times of up to 1,000,000 hours.
Government employees, members of the mainstream media and illegal aliens are all exempt from the Stool Tax. Bureaucrats at the FMS are also mandated to hand out helpful suicide booklets to waiting taxpayers. The booklet is entitled 'Drop Dead Useless Eater', and was put together by the mainstream news media
No resistance to the Stool Tax is expected. American taxpayers handed over 7.7 trillion dollars to the credit crunch bailout in the just the last 4 months without any violent protests.
The new Obama Administration is also working on an even more stringent Urine Tax. That law should be ready by January 21.