Cockney Rhyming Slang Mourns Loss Of Singer Eartha Kitt

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 26 December 2008

image for Cockney Rhyming Slang Mourns Loss Of Singer Eartha Kitt
Eartha Shitt as Catwoman

Exponents of Cockney Rhyming Slang, the noble art practised by those born within the sound of Bow Bells at St Mary-le-Bow in London, were in mourning today, after it was announced that Eartha Kitt, the object of one of the language's most-used expressions, was Brown Bread.

Kitt, who played Catwoman in the 1960s Batman films, had, for years, been mentioned every time someone in London went for a crap, as in:

"I'm off for an Eartha Kitt."

Miss Kitt always liked a bit of a Ding Dong and a Jack Palance. She was a stalwart of the Manhattan cabaret scene, and had a string of hits, including Old Fashioned Girl, C'est Si Bon and current festive favourite Santa Baby.

Other Cockney Rhyming Slang words for an Eartha Kitt include a William Pitt, a Tom Tit, a Brad Pitt, a Two-Bob Bit, a Bottomless Pit, English Lit, and the slightly less used, although by no means any less filthy example used here:

"I've had 15 pints and a dodgy curry. Now I need a Turkish Delight."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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