Gov. Rod Blagojevich: "Let me walk or else a Republican will get it [Obama's open U.S. Senate seat that is]"

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Saturday, 13 December 2008

image for Gov. Rod Blagojevich: "Let me walk or else a Republican will get it [Obama's open U.S. Senate seat that is]"
S.W.A.T. gathers around the besieged Illinois Gov., Rod Blagojevich

Chicago, Illinois - With a fountain pen in hand, Governor Rod Blagojevich held the entire State of Illinois and the Democratic Party hostage today, threatening to sign a piece of parchment appointing a Republican to Barack Obama's vacant U.S. Senate seat.

Outside the governor's mansion from inside a police mobile headquarters van, S.W.A.T. negotiators attempt to convince the governor to put the writing instrument down, but Blagojevich would have no part of it.

"With one fell swoop he could wipe out our chance to appoint a Democrat to the U.S. Senate seat Obama left open," said a spokesman for the DNC. "Calling in a S.W.A.T. team, impeachment or a special election was our only option."

The DNC went for the S.W.A.T. team option because they said that impeachment would take too long, and they could lose the special election to a Republican.

"Besides, this way is more humane. For the people of Illinois, I mean," said a spokesman from the DNC.

"Look, personally, I'd like to take him out," said Captain Harold Cornell, the S.W.A.T. team's tactical commander. "I even have him in the crosshairs of several of my sharp shooters positioned up on the roof across from the governor's mansion as we speak and believe me they aren't his biggest fans either. But despite the man's politics, I have my orders. I'm holding my fire and my men their positions unless the governor poses a danger to the public or that of my men."

"I don't know what Captain Cornell is talking about," said a spokesman for the DNC. "The man is a renegade politician carrying a fountain pen filled with ink. In Washington, D.C., we call that a clear and present danger."

"Threatening to appoint a Republican to a vacated Senatorial seat previously held by a Democrat hardly constitutes a threat," said Captain Cornell.

"Wanna make a bet," responded the DNC spokesman.

Complicating matters further, the governor says that if he is not permitted to walk, or if anything happens to him, that a friend will mail a signed notarized copy of an appointment of a Republican to Obama's empty Senate seat for him.

Captain Cornell expects the Mexican standoff to last for several weeks as the Blagojevich case works it way through the Illinois legislator and the courts.

"I guess this is a case of the pen being mightier than the sword," said Captain Cornell. "And too much power placed into too few hands."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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