KENT STATE - Here at the home of the Kent State Massacre, FDA officials have sojourned to announce that Aspartame has been approved for the dead.
The stylish Dr. Strangedeath, dressed in top hat and tails, took the stage at a Roiling Stones Concert here to steal the show and make the announcement to a stunned crowd of 134,000 unemployed, rebellious, weed smoking, crazed, hedonistic old people.
As the good Doctor was making the announcement, the old people laughed and jeered, mocking the good Doctor. Soon, black helicopters overflew the audience and sprayed the crowd with concentrated aspartame spray. The crowd roared with laughter, some licking their lips in pleasure.
Almost at once the crowd started twitching and soon, all were dead. As the good Doctor finished his speech, he removed the oxygen tube from his nose, and reached up to be pulled up on board a black helicopter, whereupon, he lit up a cigarette and started drinking a diet orange soda. "How sweet it is", he was heard saying, as the helicopter headed for Los Angeles.. and a Cratefull Dead concert.
