Experimental Hot Sauce Leads to Taco Bell Inferno

Funny story written by Andrew J. Horne

Wednesday, 9 June 2004

IRVINE, CA - Accidental exposure of a 2,500-kiloliter tank of experimental "Ultra" hot sauce to an open flame Thursday evening sparked off a fire that threatened to engulf the entire fast-food district, prompting a multi-pronged rescue and salvage operation that included - besides the civil administration - the Army and the Air Force.

Though there was no report of casualties among the entire illegal immigrant staff, officials were apprehensive the situation could slip out of control unless the fire was not contained immediately.

There were 19 other tanks in the same compound, containing highly inflammable products like cinnamon twists, sour cream, and refried beans.

Assistant manager Amir Syed ordered an evacuation from the compound, but the neighbouring Kentucky Fried Chicken did not get any warning, leading to several burns that doctors classified as "extra-cripsy".

Nearby residents fled their homes and perched themselves on rooftops to view the $50,000 uninsured franchise store burn to the ground.

The carelessly dropped marijuana cigarette ignited tank No 12 around 5.30 pm on Thursday and brought back the memories of another sauce-related fire at the same restaurant almost a decade ago.

To prevent the flames from spreading, firemen, in a reckless publicity stunt, waited hours until a sufficient amount of Pepsi arrived to spray on the affected tank in spite of the fact that an adequate supply of anti-fire grade coca-cola had been available the whole time. "My god," exclaimed a passerby, "How many innocent people have to die before restaurants start serving both brands of cola and lemon-lime soda. I shouldn't have to settle for the one I didn't ask for! You bastards!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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