Tenet quits CIA, joins Indian tribes

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Thursday, 3 June 2004

image for Tenet quits CIA, joins Indian tribes
George Tenet greets tribe leaders with traditional gesture.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- CIA Director George Tenet, who kept his job while the intelligence community was under attack about suspected weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and Sept. 11 has resigned, but will become a chief in a Native American tribe (see photo of Tenet greeting tribe leaders).

"I will miss him," Bush said, "but the casino world will thrive as never before with his talents working for it."

Tenet, 51, came to the White House to tell Bush about his decision personally. "He told me he was resigning to join an Indian tribe and get into the casino business," Bush said. "I told him I'm sorry he's leaving and to see if he could comp me and the family in August to a ritzy casino-hotel."

Tenet is meeting with top Native American chiefs, including Storming Cloud, Raining Field, Gravy Train, Hooting Owl and the top casino chief of the country, Tumbling Dice.

"We are happy to have him working with us," Tumbling Dice told reporters who were allowed three free throws at a New England casino. "Tenet will do better with us than with the same government that tortured and murdered the likes of my ancestors."

Bush said that deputy John McLaughlin will temporarily lead America's premier spy agency until a successor is found. "We want someone who will listen to me," said Vice President Cheney, "and be able to take a few kicks in the groin, if you catch my gist, when he has to cover for me."

On Capitol Hill, House Speaker Dennis Hastert said, "Tenet served his country a long time. History will tell what the implications of his tenure were and how well I spoke of him in this quote."

"I think history will tell," the Illinois Republican said when asked how Tenet's performance would be judged. "It's too early to make that snap judgment and I don't think any of us will live to hear if history is kind to him. History takes time and we all have to die."

Retired Admiral Stansfield Turner said he thought Tenet had been "pushed out and made a scapegoat. And if he is smart he will fire up those Indian forces, circle the proverbial wagons and make sure Bush don't get elected again."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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