(Raliegh, NC) - Thanks to some sharp eyed grandchildren and one overly sensitive grandparent, the North Carolina DMV has decided to replace for free any license plate containing the letter combination "WTF." Told of this potentially $400,000 exercise in anal retentive psychosis disguised as etiquette, 85% of all people surveyed replied, "What the fuck?"
Worried that literally dozens of people in the world could both know what the letters WTF stand for and be so developmentally retarded as to be offended by them, the North Carolina Department of Motor Vehicles decided to set aside the money for replacing up to 10,000 sets of the $38 plates.
When quizzed about the appropriateness of spending serious money on what is essentially one old lady with her knickers in a bunch over nothing, DMV official Richard Dikliss brushed off any concerns about the dollar figure.
"Hey, look, we're just going to take it from the education department's budget," said Dikliss. "It's not like they were going to use it to any good purpose anyway."
The problem started when a dried up old spinster in Fayetteville was clued into the meaning of the popular text message acronym by her grandchildren while driving them to a cross burning.
"I couldn't even see the car ahead of me, much less the numbers on the license plate," said Bitty Inquisition, who claims her failing eye sight forces her to rely on other people to point out the potentially offensive symbols that are the bread and butter of her church group's ongoing efforts to leech all the fun out of life.
"I just thank the good lord that North Carolina still gives me a driver's license," said the 60-year-old retired firewatcher, "otherwise I may never have known this particular offense to humanity was being allowed on our roadways. Bad enough I have to worry about crashing into all the things I can't see, but now I have to worry about my grandkids learning potty language from license plates. That is just unacceptable in a semi-free society."
When it was pointed out that her grandchildren would have already had to know what the letters WTF stood for in order to be able to explain it to her, Grandma Bitty was unrelenting.
"Well, I just imagine one of their heathen friends told them about it. That's what happens when children are not kept locked in the root cellar until they are eighteen."
When asked why she had never previously complained about other letter groupings, such as SOB, Grandma Bitty looked thoughtful and asked to be excused so she could make some calls.
While governmental agencies spending heaps of money to no purpose in order to satisfy narrow constituencies is nothing new in America, the governor's office was asked how they could justify $400,000 just to keep from offending someone who can't even see the offending license plate?
"Nosy old bitches like Bitty Inquisition vote in droves," said Flapper MacDougal, a spokesman for North Carolina Governor Mike Easley. "Not only that, but these yentas just talk and talk and talk to anyone who will listen. They get on the phone, tracking down anyone they know who isn't dead yet. Next thing you know, Gov. Easley's out of a job and back to selling marital aides door-to-door."
"To us, this is a BFD," concluded MacDougal.
