Written by Linguini

Monday, 17 May 2004

image for Animal Rights Activists Hail Massachussetts' Rule on Fornification with Sheep!
"Heh, Sailor! Wanna party in Massachussetts?"

Yesterday the Massachussetts' Legislature, "feeling nifty" after allowing gay marriage in their state, was praised by the National Association of Animal Rights Sexual Activisits for passing a law permitting the union of gay men with sheep, saying, "Well, you know, sodomy or fornification, - they're both depraved conduct, without virtue, so today we approve of both of them to be chic. We don't see much difference today between a man doing it with another man or with a sheep, and that's even if the sheep is of the lesbian persuasion. It's an enjoyable act for the sheep, too, so why punish joy?"

When asked if passage of such a law could scare the bellickers out of Joe & Mary Public in Iowa and thereby doom his chances for the presidency, Democratic president hopeful, John Kerry, replied while sitting on a sharp fence, "Although I'm personally against such a "man-sheep union," if a sovereign state of our nation votes in favor of fornification, I support it, - it's the peoples' will. It's not up to me to determine morality in the bedroom, or in the barn, or between the bedroom and the barn, or wherever these folks, er, I mean, these animals, - oops, I didn't mean that, - these fellow Democrats, want to do it so long as it's inside somewhere so you can't see what's really going on! Oh my God, did I say that?"

Immediately, numerous religious groups began criticizing Kerry and vowed for the passage of a National Constitutional Amendment to ban marriages between men and sheep "whether the latter are lesbians or not."

In reply, numerous animal rights sexual activists hailed the Massachussetts Legislature's decision as being properly protective of sheeps' "inherent right to frolic in nature as they may see fit with any person or animal of their choice!" One religiously conservative sheep activist wearing a cross opined that this was a good decision because it would encourage lesbian sheep to go straight even if it was with a man instead of with another lesbian sheep.

The newly formed National Association of Five Million School Children is soundly condemning the Legislature's decision, saying that it's just too confusing to them and to their parents on how they're supposed to grow up in this world, and will make "Show & Tell" in school class so **disgusting** that no one will want to go to school anymore!

Lost presidential soul, George Bush, is smiling again, thinking, "Hey, if this gay & lesbian stuff keeps up, I can stay in office even if I've messed up Iraq **and** our Economy!!!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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