Oil not slavery the real cause for the Civil War

Funny story written by Jim Montana

Monday, 9 June 2008

image for Oil not slavery the real cause for the Civil War
"I am a uniter not a divider"

Historians on Tuesday discovered a missing diary belonging to a Union Officer describing the real reasons for going to war with the South.

Quoting an entry from the diary of Zach Leadbetter, researchers say that the reason President Abraham Lincoln ordered the invasion was he wanted to control the oil in the Southern region of America.

Knowing that the American people would never buy this he devised the back story of wanting to bring an end to slavery in the south, and bring democracy to the Southern people.

"This is a significant discovery for Historians everywhere," said Joanas Carter Director of the Center for Unity among Nations Teachers. "No longer do we have to place blame on the slaves for causing division among our country we can blame our President."

The entry went on to say that "this war was necessary for the safety of the people of this nation."

It is also believed that President Lincoln never had an exit plan as to how to leave the South without losing the war, his Secretary of War William Seward was once overheard saying that "we could be in the South for the next hundred years or so."

"Can you imagine if a President invaded a region on false pretenses just to control the oil in that region?" Carter said when asked what he thought about the recent discovery.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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