Mary Belle Hartmann, a 62-year-old homeless woman, declared today that she fully endorses senator John McCain to be the next president of the United States.
"I think he's a total beefcake", Ms Hartmann declared in an exclusive interview from the alley behind the Laugh Factory in downtown Los Angeles. "And he promises that the CIA will stop following me around. Any man that can do that gets my vote".
Ms. Hartmann explained that both Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama are very nice people, but they have little if any influence with the CIA or other anti-homeless organizations.
"I know people who are being followed round by the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and the local police", Ms Hartmann Continued. "McCain promises to stop all that. I read it in the paper".
Ms. Hartmann carries around a photo of McCain for "pleasure and masturbation" purposes. However, upon showing the photo to a news reporter, it was revealed that she was actually carrying a picture of Orlando Bloom.
"Is that who that is?" Ms Hartmann asked. "Well, he looks just like McCain and he's the one I want to be president".