Texas Polygamists Headed to Utah

Funny story written by tzdan

Thursday, 17 April 2008

image for Texas Polygamists Headed to Utah
The Young family portrait.

ELDORADO, TX - Members of an embattled polygamist sect began loading horse trailers with their few meager possessions, including wives and children, as preparations for a permanent relocation got underway Thursday.

"We're nervous, but also excited about the move to Utah," said sect leader Alan Young. "We're tired of Texas. Tired of being regarded like we're some sort of unnatural freaks. We're just regular people, and we're tired of being treated as if we were monsters, or homosexuals.

"As a matter of fact, there is absolutely nothing in this world that is more natural than the love between a man and a woman. Or between a man and a number of women, for that matter."

The polygamists are hoping that by moving to Utah they can leave behind the cloud of suspicion surrounding their gated Texas compound of late, and finally find peace amongst other polygamists and ill-bred hicks.

"Unfortunately, our idea of marriage isn't conventional, and the people here just weren't willing to accept that," said Young. "But if I truly love and cherish a woman, should I not be free to enter into the blessed and sacred union of marriage with her? And should I not also be free to enter into said union with her sister, niece, third cousin, and best friend, as well?"

"In fact, there's little difference between our conception of marriage and a monogamist's. After all, a bigamist has one wife too many, and so does a monogamist."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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