Written by Johnny Cache

Friday, 14 May 2004

image for Bank Robber pardoned with "Subway Clause" loophole
Dennis Harding

IRVING, TX -- Local accountant, Dennis Harding, was released from Lou Sterritt County Correctional Facility on Tuesday after lengthy court proceedings.

Just before close of business on Friday, Harding went into his local Washington Mutual branch office in Irving, TX with a pistol and a tan canvas sack. Bank teller James Hopper was unprepared for Harding's behavior. "He has been coming in here about once a week to make a deposit, and dispute some fees, but I was completely in shock when I saw the gun." Following his training Hopper pressed the silent alarm, and slipped the marked bills into the canvas sack. "It all happened so fast," Hopper said "I was a nervous wreck, but Mr. Harding was surprisingly calm."

The arresting Officer, Charles Dunbar filled out his report that night and went home to his wife. "When I arrived on the scene, I immediately saw the action going on inside, so I called for backup." Officer Dunbar recalls. "I went in to make the arrest, and when I approached the suspect, he proceeded to tell me that it was okay. But when he tried to hand me a piece of paper, that's when I put the handcuffs on him, and put him in the squad car."

Harding gave no struggle getting into the car. During questioning he said nothing to police, other than "it's okay."

County Judge Herman Flanagan told us; "I had no choice but to dismiss the case, after all. It's okay, he had subway."

"It was clear that my client should have been immediately released upon showing the arresting officer his receipt from Subway that afternoon." Says defense attorney Richard Armstrong. "We have already begun legal proceedings for wrongful arrest against Mr. Dunbar and the Irving PD."

Irving Chief Of Police was unavailable for comment, but the assistant chief Jim Kenton made the statement: "This should have never happened, I've been on the force for twelve years now and I've never seen this kind of injustice before. Mr. Dunbar's serious lack of judgment caused this precinct a lawsuit that could result in millions." Charles Dunbar is currently undergoing an investigation conducted by the Internal Affairs Department, and will likely be suspended from the force. "We are doing everything we can to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again. This false arrest is an embarrassment to the Irving PD."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Court, Subway

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