California's Ninth Circuit Court outlaws opposite sex marriages

Funny story written by Doug Powers

Thursday, 5 February 2004

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Forced to split up by the Ninth Circuit after 50 years of marriage, Dudley and Marge Tutwater view their last sunset together

California's Ninth Circuit Court is once again causing controversy, this time for ruling that opposite sex marriages cannot be recognized in the states which are under the court's jurisdiction.

The affected states, California, Alaska, Arizona, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, and Hawaii, have millions of opposite sex couples who now split up.

"This is an outrage!", according to the Reverend Pat Robertson.

"Yippee! Papa's havin' biscuits tonight!" Exclaimed former President Bill Clinton. When reminded that he was a resident of New York, a state not covered under the court's ruling, Clinton grew visibly depressed.

In addition to banning opposite sex marriages, the Ninth Circuit legalized gay marriages in all nine states. "Tragically, this news comes too late for Liza and David Gest, but we hope the ruling helps out other same sex couples", said a court spokesman.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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