The United States Government has announced that its military will be handing out hand-held lie detectors to "accurately access" situations when dealing with members of the Taliban and Al Qieda.
The machines, called Preliminary Credibility Assessment Screening Systems, will cost $7,500 a piece.
"But are worth every penny," said Army Colonel Ryan Gulable. "It's so damn hard when you're out there and you've got this Taliban guy asking for a hug or something and you just don't know what to do. I just hate being mean."
The first successful use of the PCASS came some months ago when a group of marines pulled over a truck they suspected of having explosives.
Upon examining the vehicle the marines found what they described as "a suspicious electronic machine with wires and what-not."
"At this point the PCASS was removed from its magical sheath," said Gulable. "Then we asked the Taliban driver if he had an explosive in the truck and if he was hate-filled and intended to kill as many westerners as he can."
The PCASS was then placed on or near the driver's mouth as he begun to answer.
"He told us and the PCASS that no he didn't have a bomb, that it was a toaster," continued Gulable. "And then he said that he was not filled with hate but rather only a little annoyance and that he liked the west and all those from that 'murdering, infidel circus.'"
Suddenly the PCASS went crazy, "liar, liar, liar."
"'AAH HAA!' I shouted and pointed my finger as the PCASS began to scream," continued Gulable.
"I knew at that point he wasn't being truthful with us. The PCASS saved our lives and the lives of all those from the murdering, infidel circus, where ever that is."
