US Politicians Admit Affairs

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Thursday, 20 March 2008


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Do Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have a thing going?

A number of US politicians are coming clean about extramarital affairs after new NY Governor David Paterson and his wife admitted they had affairs. In the past most Americans thought their political leaders were chaste, but the past few days have been a wake-up call. Leading the charge was former NYC mayor and presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani, who admitted cheating on his then-wife with his now current wife.

Giuliani's admission was a bit underwhelming since there had been a scandal about his taxpayer-funded nookie runs during the campaign. Similarly, John McCain admitted an affair with a lobbyist but that had also come out on the campaign trail.

The most shocking revelation came from Hillary Clinton, who admitted she'd had an affair with Vince Foster shortly before he killed himself. The passion must have been intense, as Foster shot himself in the back three times, dragged himself a hundred yards, and then stuffed his own body into a suitcase. Bill Clinton joined Hillary at the announcement, and appeared to be quite understanding and sympathetic to his wife during this troubled time.

Not to be outdone, Barack Obama admitted having affairs. He blamed it on his cocaine use and on jealousy over his wife's relationship with their pastor. The two stood together as they discussed their marital problems with reporters.

Finally, Ron Paul admitted that he had an affair, but it had nothing to do with sex. Once, back in the mid-90s, he accidentally voted in favor of the Federal Reserve system. He broke down in tears as he described the shame he'd been carrying for over a decade.

President George W. Bush scheduled a press conference to discuss his own marital problems, but no one cares about him any more.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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