U.S. Presidential hopefull Senator John McCain appeared before the press and a large crowd in Pennsylvania yesterday dressed in a bright orange kaftan surrounded by a group of followers carrying automatic weapons and what seemed to be the severed heads of democrats.
McCain who was sweating profusely continuously doused his head with a water soaked towel and said he was taking his campaign to a new level. His followers chanted incoherently and danced around a large water buffalo that they lead into the crowd.
They then decapitated the beast with a machete and covered themselves with it's blood.
"Obama and Clinton are errand boys." shouted McCain as the crowd reacted with cheers. "Friends, we are going up river", said McCain. "All the way to the White House."
The severed heads were then tossed into the frenzied crowd and bounced around like volleyballs while McCain looked on with his now patented detached expression. He then smiled maniacally and screamed "Stella...Stella" at the top of his lungs. Then said, "I could have been champ. I could have been a contender." He exited the stage to thunderous applause while the sound system blared "She's Not There", by The Zombies.
