Paul Bremmers Answer: Nuns with Guns

Funny story written by Chuck Terzella

Monday, 19 April 2004

In another turnaround regarding Iraq, United States Pro Consul J. Paul Bremmer has announced that he is pulling all military forces out of major Iraqi cities and will no longer rely on Iraqi police or private security contractors to stabilize the security situation in the violence torn country.

"I was just drifting off to sleep the other night when it hit me," said an excited Bremmer, " no, not an RPG, but an idea. I thought back to when I was a kid. Who was I most afraid of? The nuns at my school. Of course! I don't care if you're Muslim, Christian or Jewish, Al Qaida or Red Guard, Sunni or Shiite, the fear of Roman Catholic Nuns transcends all nationality and beliefs. Therefore, I am ordering 150,000 Nuns into the front lines of the Iraqi conflict immediately. The Coalition will supply them with all the yardsticks, rulers and erasers that they require to get the job done. And I'll tell you right now, I won't be too concerned about their methods...suspensions, detentions, eraser clapping, forced confessions, ear pulling, whatever they decide it's fine with me. To be quite frank, I'm sick of these ungrateful Arabs with all their convoluted alliances and hatreds. Why did they ever make me come here? I'm lonely and scared and I miss my family. I just want to go home to some nice cushy job in a Republican Neo Con company, like the United States Senate."

Private H. Elpme, when told of the new development, said, "Thank God, finally there's a good idea on how to deal with this situation. It toolk awhile, but with this new Nun strike force I know I'll be OK."

(This Story was approved by Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more