Ashcroft Orders Satirist Roundup!!

Funny story written by Unconfirmed Source

Thursday, 15 April 2004

image for Ashcroft Orders Satirist Roundup!!
Onion Compound Under Siege!

Unconfirmed Sources indicate a nation-wide round up of satirists has begun. Thousands of Department of Justice as well as AFT, FBI, NSA and even local police are being mobilized in the effort. Teams are fanning out across the nation arresting satirists and closing down satirical magazines, web sites, comedy clubs, newspapers, radio shows and journals.

In a statement released to the media John Ashcroft outlined what is being called "Operation Cockroach".

"The time has come to defend the nation against the forces of evil that have been operating within our own borders. For far too long these people have hidden behind the tissue of freedoms granted by the Bill Of Rights. No More! These miscreants shall be brought to justice. They will be held accountable for their words. They will be rounded up, questioned, and sentenced to the fullest extent of the law. We are going shine the light of truth on these characters and stamp'em out"

John Ashcroft himself has participated in several high profile raids including the captures of Bill Mahr, John Stewart, Al Franken and the Spoofs' own Chuck Terzella.

In addition to these media figures government forces have laid siege to the compound that houses "The Onion". The FBI and Army units have surrounded the compound and are apparently attacking the buildings with overwhelming force. Locals reports Air force and Army air power is involved.

In another display of needless violence the offices of Unconfirmed Sources, a little known satirical web site, were raided. The staff which have been under constant surveillance for several weeks slipped away as the assult begain. According to law enforcement personal the buildings was 'accidentally' set ablaze and allowed to burn to the ground.

Key personal of Unconfirmed Sources have fled the country to an undisclosed position and vowed to continue their service.

Operation Cockroach is expected to continue until the fall, wrapping up just after the re-election of the President.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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