Helicopter Ben gets a new nickname

Funny story written by halasdf

Saturday, 19 January 2008

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FED takes no responsibility for people injured by dropped money.

Ben Bernanke, better known as "The Helicopter", appeared before congress on Thursday to provide testimony about the current state of the economy and a possible recession.

Ben Bernanke is the current head of the Federal Reserve, the central bank of America. He is credited with founding what is now known as the "Princeton School of Economics" to counter the "Chicago School of Economics". The Chicago school teaches economic prosperity is founded on a basis of less government intervention, stable monetary policy, savings over consumption, and avoiding debt. By contrast, the Princeton school believes a strong economy is built by dropping dollar bills from flying aircraft, which is how the chairman earned his nickname.

Bernanke, keeping to the strict definition of a recession as negative growth for two consecutive quarters, said that we are not currently in a recession. He also believes that the United States will not be entering a recession. He did say however he supported dropping between $100 and $150 billion dollars on the populace. Unfortunately, nobody on the congressional panel thought to ask him why he thought this was necessary if we are not entering a recession. Ben Bernanke also suggested upgrading the Federal Reserve fleet of helicopters with B-52 bombers in order to "increase liquidity."

Congressional representative Ron Paul asked Bernanke if he thought the American budget deficit could be balanced by withdrawing American troops from the 130 foreign countries they are currently occupying. He asked Bernanke how the US government and population could maintain their current debt spending if and when foreign governments decided to stop buying American treasuries at low interest rates.

Helicopter Ben responded that the military is not the problem, but the solution. "What we need to do is use the military to convince our allies that buying our treasury bonds is in both our interests. When our B-52's fly over foreign cities, they won't be dropping dollar bills." He continued, "This argument could easily persuade foreign government to buy 30 year treasure bonds for less than 1% interest. With core inflation hovering around .5%, foreign governments will be making money. This is a win/win solution and our current consumption levels can continue indefinitely."

The congressional panel seemed very pleased with the Chairman's testimony. Afterwards, the chairman's nickname was upgraded to Ben "B-52" Bernanke.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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