Jet Blue goes Blue Tooth - now passengers can surf the net while they waste away on the tarmac

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Friday, 14 December 2007

image for Jet Blue goes Blue Tooth - now passengers can surf the net while they waste away on the tarmac
Jet Blue is the first to distract its passengers with bells and whistles instead of delivering the goods and services

Washington, DC - Jet Blue is the first of many airlines that will go online, offering passengers the option to surf the Internet while in flight.

The airline industry lobbied the federal government to loosen its restrictions on wireless communication devices to provide their passengers the freedom to communicate. Critics contend, however, it is just a diversionary tactic intended to distract passengers for the lack of the airline industry implementing any real measures to reduce flight delays.

"We don't expect it will actually improve the service to our customers," said a customer service spokesman for Jet Blue. "But it will give the perception of value added to our customers that we're looking for, especially after the 'Incident' earlier in the year."

The so-called "Incident" as it is simply referred to now by Jet Blue resulted in Congress passing the Airline Passengers Bill of Rights earlier this year after an outcry by Jet Blue passengers that were forced to sit on a crowded plane stuck on the tarmac for hours waiting to take off.

At that time, passengers begged the crew and captain to let them off the plane, but they had no authority to override Jet Blue's customer retention policy or department outsourced somewhere in India.

"We were afraid if we let them off the plane, that we would lose customers to a competitor," said Buffy Sing-Pabu of Jet Blue's customer retention department in New Delhi.

The airline industry has become very competitive in the past few years, confirmed an airline industry spokesman.

"So that's when we decided to do some test marketing on some primate animal subjects," said Sing-Pabu. "Unfortunately, the subjects were all eaten before testing proved conclusive."

According to the Congressional record, the airline industry conducted a backup test using human subjects instead of monkeys. Test results confirmed that humans act just like their primate counter parts, reacting the very same way as an unruly human mob that demanded action form their elected officials. However, when given access to cell phones and the Internet they became clam.

"We noticed that for some odd reason passengers have a tendency to become violent in cramped overcrowded confined spaces in, oh lets say, just a dozen hours or so," said a spokesman for Jet Blue. "However, when given computers or allowed to use their cell phones, a remarkable thing happens. They become passive and manageable for the flight crew to handle."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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