Headlines from the Future: Bush found guilty in bribery scandal

Funny story written by Artzillo

Thursday, 13 September 2007

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Wash. DC -- A court today found former President George Bush guilty of taking more than $85 million in bribes and kickbacks, and sentenced him to life imprisonment, one year after he was ousted amid mass protests and military defections.

The court also ordered Bush to hand over $150.6 million and a mansion he built for a mistress.

The 63-year-old former Governor Of Texas who was elected president in 2000 is a hero to millions of right winged necons. President elect John Edwards deployed 6,000 police around the court, and put the military on alert in case of unrest. But supporters who gathered at a church said they would remain peaceful.

Members of Bush's family, including his wife and daughters, broke into tears as the verdict was read, but the deposed president sat grim-faced.

"The real losers here are the Republicans and Fox News ," said Bush's brother, Uncle Jeb Bush. "It is sad that the verdict was based on testimonies of polluted witnesses, and not on evidence. This verdict was intended to justify the unconstitutional removal from office of President Bush in Jan, 2008."

Bush's lawyer said he would appeal the verdict.

"This should serve as a warning to those in power, including the members of the Bush family and administration," said Al Gore, an activist . "This could happen to them also."

Bush was found guilty of plunder, involving the receipt of more than $185 million in protection money from War Profiteers and the embezzlement of The Treasury Of The United States , to a tune of 120 million . The anti-corruption court found him guilty of perjury also.

A bank executive and lawyer testified that Bush signed bank documents under the name Alfred E Newman for an account that held more than $680 million. Bush claimed he did so as a form of guarantee for payments made by the account's real owner to a businessman.

Bush's government began to unravel in 2007, after convicted felon Tom Delay a self-confessed racketeer and one-time drinking buddy of Bush, said he had paid the bribes to Bush. That year, Bush became the second president to be impeached by the country's House of Representatives. His impeachment trial in the Senate later collapsed.

Bush was elected president in a 2000 / 2004 election rife with accusations of vote-rigging; his administration has been dogged by corruption charges.

Bush, a notorious moron, lived the high life during the trial, holding parties at his "rest house," a luxurious vacation home two hours from Wash DC equipped with a theater, gym and( library?), according to media reports. The court said Bush could continue to live in his vacation home "until further notice" and requested he agree "voluntarily in writing to abide by the same disciplinary rules imposed upon convicted prisoners."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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