Nation panics as another millionaire adventurer goes missing

Written by R-Mania

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

image for Nation panics as another millionaire adventurer goes missing
Crabtree before embarking on one of his many adventures

Millionaire adventurer Bob Crabtree was reported missing early Monday morning. This while search & rescue crews are already stretched thin looking for another missing millionaire adventurer, Steve Fossett. The crews are now fiercely debating who to devote more of their search efforts to, while national media outlets are ambivalent about which man should receive more news coverage. Much of this debate and indecision is due to the fact that nobody is sure which man has more money.

"Before Bob went missing, it was mostly just Mr. Fossett and a bunch of minorities from inner city areas. Deciding who to cover was much easier," said an anonymous Fox News correspondent. With the addition of another lost millionaire musketeer, that decision has become much more difficult. The American public is panicking as concern rises that this could be the beginning of a disturbing trend, as more and more multi-millionaires become reckless thrill seekers after getting bored of diving into piles of money all day.

Crabtree was last seen being shot out of a catapult in his hometown of San Jose, California. But search efforts have been frustrated by the fact that he did not file a flight plan and the catapult operators cannot remember what direction they shot him in.

"We really have no idea where to look," said Carl Burbank, a search & rescue crew leader. "We do know that the catapult has the power to shoot a man of Mr. Crabtree's dimensions as far as 700 miles. He could be in Utah, Mexico, the Pacific Ocean, who knows? He may have even landed on Fossett, who is thought to be somewhere in Nevada."

Crabtree began his life of adventure after a successful career as an investment banker. He has cheated death numerous times, most recently when he attempted to climb Mount Everest naked.

If you have any information about Crabtree's whereabouts, please contact your local authorities immediately. If you have any information about some poor black kid's whereabouts, nobody cares.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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