Hillary Clinton Calls for Iraq "Combo" Strategy

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

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Hillary Clinton Announces the Combo Strategy

Hillary Clinton responded today to a series of proposals by others on Iraq with a strategy she described as "Combo." Her strategy would include some aspects of other strategies, along with other new ideas.

Clinton's announcement follows on three approaches that were fleshed out yesterday: President Bush's "Waffle", a "Pancake" concept mooted by Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, and Mitt Romney, and John Kerry's short-lived "French Toast" idea. Kerry discussed his proposal on late-night news, and despite an eloquent four-hour explanation, the French are just really unpopular and Kerry was beaten senseless by an angry mob.

Having seen the Kerry failure, Clinton stressed that her "Combo" approach has nothing to do with France, and that she wouldn't let the French participate even if they offered help. Instead, Combo includes aspects of the Pancake and the Waffle. Following the President's proposal to rely on polls, Clinton will employ the Pancake strategy of flattening difficult areas of Iraq when polls show strong support for the war. Combo also includes aspects of Mitt Romney's Sausage extension to the Pancake. Romney did not explain his idea well, but Clinton said it meant that when poll numbers are down, suspected terrorists will be ground up with sausage grinders after a fair trial by military commissions in Guantanamo.

The final aspect of the Clinton Combo is called "Butter", which the candidate and former First Lady said is a form of diplomacy "that just makes everything better." Applying Butter to Iraq will involve sending US celebrities to meet with various factions of the Iraqi populace. American Idol singers will perform on television, while less talented celebrities like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears will visit but will not sing for fear of offending Iraqi ears. Former President Bill Clinton will visit the harems of slain Iraqi leaders and provide whatever comfort he can. He will also bring donuts and Egg McMuffins.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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