Ron Paul Debates Himself Alone, and Wins!

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

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Ron Paul wins another debate!

Ron Paul, one of the second-tier Republican candidates for President, debated himself today in front of a packed audience in Stormville, Iowa. Internet polling showed Paul won the debate handily, with 97% of the votes cast in his favor.

Over the last few months, several prominent Republicans have called for excluding Ron Paul from debates. "He's too weird," said Michigan GOP Chair Saul Anuzis, "and we can't have no weirdos on our campaign!" President Bush, caught in a moment when he thought he was off-mike, agreed with Anuzis stating that he firmly opposes "any intellectualizing candidates."

The opposition to Ron Paul had a real impact recently when he was excluded from a debate put on by Iowans for Tax Relief and the Iowa Christian Alliance. Ed Fallor Jr., spokesman for the debate groups, reiterated that Paul was excluded "because he has no formal Iowa campaign. ... Okay, really he just scares us. ... He is a Christian who has voted consistently against taxes, so obviously he's just trying to suck up to us."

In response to the exclusionary tactics, the Ron Paul campaign set up its own debate, and invited all other candidates with more than 1000 MySpace Friends and/or more than 100 YouTube subscribers to participate. None of the other candidates responded and Paul debated himself for four hours. The standing room only audience of 400 Ron Paul fans cheered whenever the candidate spoke.

After the debate, an internet poll conducted by the campaign showed Paul with 97% support. Rudy Giuliani, Yasir Arafat, and Al Sharpton tied with 1% of the vote.

Kent Snyder, the Ron Paul campaign chairman, declared victory after the debate: "Our man made more sense in this debate than any other candidate in any debate so far."

The candidate himself was not available for comment, as he was taken to a local hospital with a mild sore throat.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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