Westport Couple Under Investigation

Funny story written by Doppelbock

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Westport Couple Under Investigation
Serena, cousin of Samantha Stephens, wanted for indecent exposure.

WESTPORT, CONNECTICUT -- Westport police reported today that local residents Samantha and Darrin Stephens, of 1164 Morning Glory Circle, are under investigation for numerous disturbances and suspicious activities.

Charges against the couple include illegal ownership of exotic wildlife and multiple counts of disturbing the peace. Police declined to disclose other crimes for which the Stephens are under investigation, but they may be related to a disturbance call received yesterday, reporting that Samantha Stephen's uncle Arther had been seen "barnstorming the neighborhood in a Superman costume"; however the disturbance was dismissed as a PR stunt conducted by local marketing firm McMann & Tate.

This latest investigation comes after an incident just last week at the Golden China Buffet, where Serena [no last name given], known to be a cousin of Samantha Stephens, was arrested for public indecency following what was described as a "raunchy strip-tease act" performed as part of the restaurant's weekly karaoke night. Police report that Serena evaded arrest under suspicious circumstances -- one witness claimed she "disappeared into thin air" -- and, although not arrested at the time, Samantha Stephens was implicated in her cousin's escape.

A neighbor of the Stephens spoke with us on condition of anonymity, saying: "There's something strange about the Stephens family. I've been telling my husband Abner for years but he doesn't listen. There's weird going-ons over there all the time, and strange people are always coming and going. And then about a year ago, Mister Stephens -- Darrin -- suddenly changed his appearance. It's almost as if he's a completely different person! He doesn't look the same as before, and he acts different too -- I mean, his facial expressions aren't nearly as animated as they used to be, for instance."

"I'm not sure I like the new Darren as much as the old," she added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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