The Zone Diet - It really works! says Karen Carpenter

Funny story written by Breeze

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

image for The Zone Diet - It really works! says Karen Carpenter
Julie Cabbagefanny, a healthy 4 stone 2lbs.

With ringing endorsements from such A-list celebs as Karen Carpenter and Nicole Richie, the Zone diet, devised by Dr J Sears from the Institute for Tubby Losers, has taken the world by storm and, despite the high profile deaths of several of it's followers from starvation, it shows no sign of slowing down.

Dr Sears claims that he has created a diet which means you can eat all you want and still stay thin ........ as long as you don't eat too much of course.

"What I have devised," He told 'The Spoof' from his playboy mansion high in the Hollywood Hills, "Is a scientific formula for weightloss. I discovered, after years of intensive research and hard work, that if you eat too much, you will get fat. What we are trying to do with the Zone diet is to get those fat people to eat less.........then they will become thin people."

Although other scientists have scoffed at Dr Sears claims and questioned his credentials as an academic, there is no doubting his results.

Former fat bastard, Julie Cabbagefanny, was a massive 11 stone 3 lbs, when Dr Sears put her on the Zone diet. Now she is a healthy 4 stone 2 ounces.

"It's all thanks to Dr Sears," she whispered weakly as our photographer carried her to the toilet, "Without him I'd still be fat...... before the diet I had to struggle to get into a size twelve I can fit my whole body into this shroud and still have room to throw up. If all my teeth and hair hadn't fallen out and my bowels collapsed, I bet boys would find me attractive."

Mabel Minge-rot, from New York, agrees, "I was ten stone and 5 lbs when I went on the diet. Now I'm dead and I've never felt better."

Professor J Caringbunny fron the International Institute for Health and General Wellbeing, however, has claimed that Dr Sears is nothing more than a quack, peddling snake oil and quick fixes.

"The Zone diet is nothing more than a scam guaranteed to relieve people from their hard earned cash," he thundered, "And 'Dr' Sears is a charaltan who bought his degree on the internet. He is no more a Doctor than my arse is a snipeshooter!"

Dr Sears, however, responded by calling Professor Caringbunny 'A big fat, smelly fucker with no mates.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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