Rove: "I Wish The Iraq War Never Existed - It Was Gonzales Idea"

Funny story written by Shirley Knott

Friday, 20 April 2007

image for Rove: "I Wish The Iraq War Never Existed - It Was Gonzales Idea"
Alberto Gonzales

WASHINGTON, D.C. - During an Ohio visit yesterday, White House senior political adviser Karl Rove claimed he "never wanted the war in Iraq."

"I wish the Iraq war was over," Rove said. "I wish the war never existed. It was all Alberto Gonzales idea."

As reported by CNN, Rove asserted that "history shows Gonzales was exceptionally eager in 2002 for the upcoming Iraq war, anxious to reap what he viewed would be political gains for Latino Neocons resulting from the military conflict."

"Secret emails have also revealed that Gonzales was an active advocate for the war in Iraq," said Rove.

ThinkProgress reports "In January 2002, Alberto Gonzales told Bush conservatives, 'Americans trust me to do a better job of keeping our communities and our families safe from rampant judicial Islamofacism, and I will go to my political grave on the issue of strengthening America's U.S. attorneys' Republican might.'"

In June 2002, DemocracyNow reported that Gonzales was then giving PowerPoint presentations to Bush Republicans advising them to "focus on the war" during their fall campaigns.

In August 2002, while Rove was chairing the White House "Let's Get The Heck Out Of This Iraq Mess" Group, whose mission was to "develop a strategy for publicizing Bush's assertion that Saddam Hussein posed no threat to the United States," he cited the entire war as "a Gonzales fabrication."

In September 2002, Time Magazine reported that when friends asked Bush whether or not he planned to invade Iraq, Gonzales was known to frequently interrupt and interject, "Let me put it this way: If you want to see Baghdad, you'd better visit soon."

In a heated question-and-answer period after his latest White House speech, Bush was asked whose idea it was to start a pre-emptive war in Iraq.

"I'm pretty sure it was Gonzales," Bush replied, "but I was in the throes of such a magnificent farting episode at the time, during which I was able to frap the entire alphabet, that I don't recall exactly what Gonzales might have claimed."

When asked for his recollection, Alberto Gonzales stated, "I do not recall that meeting."

Shirley Knott reporting from Washington, D.C.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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