After bumbling haplessly through life for thirty-eight-plus years and feeling that things were generally going pretty okay, Carson Hayes of Nashville, Tennessee, suddenly realized that his life situation was actually far from it.
“It’s grave,” he said. “Very, very grave.”
Hayes explained that his relationship history, which has had a few very high highs, mostly involving marijuana, but more lows, involving codependency sometimes misperceived as stalking, was the first red flag to him about the status of his love life. “There are people my age who’ve gotten married and even started families. Granted, that’s not the norm, but I can’t avoid the fact that I’m not exactly at the top of the bell curve there.”
An honest look at his job situation, too, revealed to Hayes that his career trajectory had been bumpy bordering on tragic. He graduated from law school and landed a partner-track position at a top tier-law firm, but then his professional path took a different turn. “I decided I would be selling myself short if I didn’t’ pursue my passion for juggling. I left the firm and went to clown college in Paris." He shook his head thoughtfully. "Sometimes, I question that decision.”
Hayes recounted that his subsequent positions at several traveling human circuses generally started off strong but did not live up to the potential that they had seemed to hold. Things reached a breaking point - literally - when one particular juggling mishap left an audience member with half a dozen broken eggs in her lap - and infuriated.
“Apparently she was a vegan," said Hayes. "It was bad.”
Hayes reports that with the help of his therapist, he is currently exploring whether the juggling gaffe could have been a subconscious act of microaggression against vegans triggered by his latent guilt over continuing to purchase meat, dairy, and eggs despite his love of animals. “It’s not looking good,. According to my therapist, I’m almost at the point of having to go vegan myself, which would really be worst-case scenario. I mean, I am committed to my own healing, but vegan? Really?”
For all these reasons, Hayes is far from hopeful about his prospects. But despite the grave nature of his life situation, he intends to carry on, keep his chin up, and be a real trooper.
“What else can I do?" he said. "It takes what it takes. I'm in it for the long haul."
