Bush Announces Medal of Freedom Recipients

Funny story written by John Andreini

Thursday, 15 March 2007

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WASHINGTON D.C. - Today the White House released President Bush's selections for the 2007 Medal of Freedom. The Medal of Freedom is one of the two highest honors the government can bestow on a civilian. The other is the Congressional Gold Medal, which requires an act of Congress.

Along with the list of award recipients, the press release announced revised language related to the selection process. In the original wording, the award was intended to recognize individuals who have made "an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors."

Revised language recognizes individuals who have made, "an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, the advancement of the president's agenda, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors." When called for clarification, a White House spokesperson declined comment, and told members of the press to "shut your f***ing yaps."

The list of Medal of Freedom recipients:

    Lewis "Scooter" Libby
    Jack Abramoff
    Ann Coulter
    Alberto Gonzales


The press release cited the contributions of each individual to "furthering American principles and values through a life-long dedication to liberty, compassion, justice, and freedom for all."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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