After years of imprisonment and torture at the hands of the CIA Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has confessed to an incredible list of crimes, least of which is the sinking of the Maine in Havana harbor in 1898.
Photos of the Sheikh after US incarceration at the Hotel Guantanamo make the confession believable."This man could easily be 120 yrs old! That or he has been running a Greek dinner in NYC for a really long time. . ." Was The Spoof interviewer's response to seeing him face to face.
KS Mohammed also confessed to the Lincoln assasination, the Sacco and Vanzetti bombings. the Gulf of Tonkin disaster, the sinking of the Titanic, the Andrea Doria and the recent Staten Island Ferry crash, "I even persuaded to US Supreme Court to side with Bush over Gore in the 2000 election debacle!"
Some experts on false testimony resulting from torture have begun to question some details in the Sheikh's confession: "How could he have been involved in the Red Sox trading babe Ruth or the OJ Simpson acquittal, nevermind getting Bush elected a second time! We know the reelection has been a great boon for the terrorists but how could one Greek diner owner control an american election!", was FBI-CIA Greek-American Diner Owners President Spyros Cheeseburger-Cheeseburger.