Alex Murdaugh to become a jailhouse lawyer

Funny story written by Jake de Fake

Saturday, 4 March 2023

image for Alex Murdaugh to become a jailhouse lawyer
"Gee Peter, Murdaugh got luckier than you," says Quagmire.

Alex Murdaugh is preparing to become a jailhouse lawyer to save himself from a savage love affair in prison.

He will officially be known as the goose that lays the golden eggs by prison gang leaders who hope that Murdaugh will get them a retrial or a successful parole hearing.

He hopes to become a pioneering jailhouse lawyer and a legal adviser for regular inmates and high-profile inmates with famous cases. A light of hope at the end of the tunnel for everyone in prison.

Without any restrictions from the state bar, the sky is the limit. Inmates will get instructions on putting out crocodile tears, keeping a happy face, speaking kindly, and holding onto a Christian Bible in court, so everyone could see the holiness, as guaranteed by the Constitution. "Don't admit to this or that, you have the right to remain silent, plead the fifth, it's in the Constitution," says Murdaugh.

Thugs Malloy, a convicted serial killer says, "Our hopes are high with Murdaugh, we will finally attain the power we never had in this prison," Malloy continues, "prison officials will finally give us the respect we deserve."

Guards at the prison are fearful of getting fired or arrested for illegalities they like committing once Murdaugh enters the prison and comes under the protection of prison gang leaders.

One prison inmate, Jeffery Dahmer, says, "I believe Murdaugh is the Messiah sent by God. He will create a partnership between prison officials and inmates."

One prison guard wants to treat Murdaugh like royalty, hoping Murdaugh will help him do his crooked tax returns.

“Of all the jailhouse lawyers, he will be the greatest and the best known,” said Ronald Duck, a defense lawyer, “He will come of age in prison giving access to counsel for post-conviction proceedings.”

"I'm in for the long haul, there is no silver spoon that can help me dig through that concrete floor," says Murdaugh.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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