US House of Representatives elect, George Santos, spoke to members of the press about allegations that he had exaggerated aspects of his life.
The GOP politician revealed that he had used an online resume builder called E-rez, and had simply uploaded a photo and details of his family. The software had added interesting, if technically untrue, details about his life, including that he was a homosexual Jewish war veteran who had rescued schoolchildren from a shooter whilst working for a large firm of commodity brokers and helping out at a soup kitchen.
“It wasn’t me that said this”, claimed Santos. “It was the software. I thought these were harmless sales puffs. Besides, I’ve always been a glass half-full kinda guy”.
Santos’ wife, a member of the Irish Royal Family, a former Miss World, Playboy playmate and neurosurgeon, insisted that her husband had done nothing wrong. “As one of my distant ancestors once said, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Santos is currently under federal investigation for being a lying, scum-sucking toerag, though Republicans are calling the investigation a political witch-hunt, and are already planning to sue.
