MIAMI - (Satire News) - Cloud 9 News Agency reporter Lexi Aspen has just broken the story that category 5, Hurricane Ian uncovered a sunken Spanish galleon that was transporting over $7 million in gold ingots from America back to Spain in 1669.
The ship named "La Senora De Los Labios Chulisimos" was lost in a category 6 storm off the coast of Naked Mermaid Beach, Florida.
Gov. Ron "The Douche Bag" DeSantis told reporter Jefferson Sierra with The Miami Globe-Gazette, that he will rule that the money does not have a rightful owner, so he is considering exchanging the $7 million in gold ingots, converting it into cash, and donating it all to his Governor's Re-Election Campaign Fund.
SIDENOTE: The state's Democrats have uttered a quite unified, "BULL-FUCKING-SHIT FELLA!!!"
