Arkansas - Giant chain store Wallmar Corporation has announced it will begin selling crack and meth in rural areas. Wallmar spokesperson Angelfood Macspade says that there is a lack of minority drug dealers in rural areas and that Wallmar is simply filling a void in the market place.
No prescription will be required if the customer can urinate into a jar and prove positive for previous meth or crack use. She said that those who only smoke pot will not eligible to buy the highly sought after drugs.
The move by Wallmar will take pressure off of law enforcement officials who will no longer have to waste money and time chasing down people who commit burglaries and other crimes to support their habit. It will also help local farmers who are victims of thieves looking for land, equipment, and chemicals with which to manufacture meth. These officers can now fight more serious crimes being commited in the bible belt - crimes like dancing, kissing in public, cruising, cursing, masturbation, sodomy, and playing the saxophone or other offensive musical instruments. This will also allow police to patronize the local doughnut shops or visit their girlfriends while on duty.