Coke to go back to original cocaine recipe

Funny story written by aningeniousname

Tuesday, 20 February 2007

image for Coke to go back to original cocaine recipe
Coke's new and not so secret ingerdient.

Atlanta - Coca Cola Executives and a small army of PR people today crowded a specially hired convention centre in the heart of bustling Atlanta's business district to declare before a specially invited audience of local dignitaries and press that, "The real thing was back!"

The press conference was the culmination of almost two years of taste research and market testing; that have finally convinced the board of Coca Cola that they have a product capable of winning back the market share that Pepsi have taken from them in recent years.

After the preliminaries which included, nubile young women, unicycling dogs in Coke T shirts and various members of Cirque Du Soliel juggling cans of the new recipe Coke. Edgar P Altinger, CEO and major stockholder of the company, stepped from out behind a giant Coke can and up to the Coke emblazoned rostrum to excitedly announce "Ladies and gentlemen, the wait is over, original old recipe coke is back!"

Mr Altinger then went on to describe the "amazing" new product and what he believes will make it stand out from its carbonated competititors.

Mr Altinger said, "Here at the home of the worlds's favourite soft drink; we are continually striving to bring you what we believe is the authentic Coke experience that's why we here at coke have eschewed the celebrity marketing and aspartame poisoned products of our rivals and gone back to our traditional 100 per cent liquid cocaine recipe; beloved of many a working Negro in those roasting cotton fields of yore."

When taking questions later in his presentation, Mr Altinger was questioned as to why the company had gone back to the very first recipe; which he answered by saying, "Well we were searching for an authentic taste of America to send out to the rest of the world and what says America more than Cocaine and the great taste of coke?, Also the government had asked us to "improve" the drink with something that might pep up the those hard working American Joes out there, and finally get this pesky economy moving in the right direction."

Coca Cola are betting this latest recipe will be a firm favourite of the sometimes fickle American public and early indications do indeed show a massive demand for the new recipe coke.
With early promotional cans of the new recipe selling on the street corners of South Central,LA for as much as seventy dollars a can; Coca Cola's recently nervous stock holders can sleep soundly in their beds.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more