Did the Navy Seals really touchdown in Pakistan, land a Black Hawk chopper in Osama Bin Laden’s backyard, and take the world’s most wanted man down, killing him without a single SEAL getting shot? Did Osama have a gun? Bodyguards? Other people who didn’t sleep very well and heard an annoying sound like a tornado coming from the backyard?
Remember that movie from the 1980s, The Delta Force, starring Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin? How about the Green Berets? There once was a ballad of these fellas ... Bill Murray sings a bit of it in Caddyshack. Do the Green Berets have what it takes to take down a golf course gofer?
Marine Raiders, Army Rangers, special ops this and that ... yawn.
Where you at, boys? (Any girls allowed in your clubs?)
Why not go into Russia and pop a shot at Putin? Why not do this with every asshole America doesn’t like? Why start a messy war when a well-placed sniper bullet can end tyranny?
Is America really just all about Hollywood? Chuck Norris is a movie hero, as is Rambo, and I’m sure either of those guys could take down Osama, Saddam, Bashir, Vlad, Xi ... the list goes on.
Come on, Marines, Jarheads, you so bad, you so tough, Semper My Ass! Take the shot! Take the shot! Ah, nuts to you, you ain’t nuthin’ but a shitty 80s movie, and the 80s are over. You special forces boys just tag along for the ride during a regular war, cocking your walk in front of the privates (hey now ... don’t say gay in the military, right DeSantis?). No behind-the-lines, no deep cover, no Spies Like Us ... you’re a comedy, a sitcom, a bunch of pussies! Don’t like being called that? Then take the next Black Hawk out of Somalia or Ethiopia (you even fucked up there in the 90s! Can you do anything right?) and head on the red-eye to Moscow.
(Or do you just wanna leave it all up to the PMCs, like Blackwater, now disgraced, but back with a vengeance as Academi ... like they’re trying to sound smart and important as ivy league assassins.)
Be all you can be ... pussies. The SEAL says meow.
