Haf-And-Haf: Joe Biden’s Bout With Reality

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 14 June 2022

image for Haf-And-Haf: Joe Biden’s Bout With Reality
Clark Gable/Nancy Poozleosi

BILLINGSGATE POST: Like Joe Biden, Tulza Tuzon, also known as Haf-and-Haf, was once a handsome man with a full head of hair and a toothy smile. An accident resulted in the left side of his face becoming disfigured. Like all of Dick Tracy’s villains, he had a colorful past history.

Life was not easy for Tulza. While working as a commercial truck driver, he was transporting dangerous chemicals when the truck crashed. Tuzon was knocked silly. While unconscious, the left half of his face was submerged in caustic chemicals. By the time he was treated, the left side of his face was severely damaged, and his hair had been blanched. One side of his face looked like Clark Gable; the other side like Nancy Poozleosi.

Like Joe, he was not able to find an honest job, so he decided to become a politician. In the years prior to his accident, Haf-and-Haf had become skilled at training crows to steal purses and return them to him; a hobby that proved valuable once he became a politician. Through a series of coincidences, Joe Biden’s life seemed to run parallel to Haf-and-Haf’s.

A semi-serious man, even before he had a partial lobotomy, he has no functional center point. As Gertrude Stein disparagingly said of Oakland: “There’s no there there.”

Dr. Slim: “Occasionally, I’m reminded that fiction and reality can co-exist, but not in time and space.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. If that is true, then everything else you say must be utter palaver.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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