Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez Claims "Ted Cruz Stole My Lunch Money!"

Funny story written by Jeff Brone

Wednesday, 3 February 2021

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Lunch money

Congressional favorite known affectionately as "AOC" claims that senate bully Ted Cruz "stole her and her boyfriend's lunch money" one day while walking through the halls of the capitol building.

"It was really chilling," she explained. "He came up to us with this crazy look in his eye, like he was going to not vote for a social program to help poor people who needed solar panels, and said we needed to give him the money we were going to spend on our lunch."

She said she was really terrified as Cruz said if they didn't comply her boyfriend was going to get a "knuckle sandwich." She added that she remembered how Cruz pronounced "sandwich", like "SANGwich" and added "when he said that, I thought he was going to kill us!"

Cortez lamented how, that day, the lunch room was serving tater tots and fish sticks, which arre her favorite, and that she planned to "get together with Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar, and talk about dresses and shoes." Cortez's boyfriend added: "Yes, that's right."

Cortez also said Cruz kind of talked out of the side of his mouth "like a gangster", instead of out of both sides of his mouth like a politician should.

For his part, Cruz said that he could buy his own tater tots, and that Cortez was a "total lame-o", and her boyfriend was a "real fembot" who Cruz could probably take "in about two seconds."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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