Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. Having lost 35 of 35 cases alleging fraud in the presidential election, President Donald Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, today filed with the Supreme Court a petition calling for a re-run of the presidential election in four crucial states that will determine who the next president will be.
Giuliani's petition charges that voter irregularities in Pennsylvania,, Georgia, Arizona and Nevada were so egregious that the vote count should be ignored, and another election held in those states. The court is expected to hear arguments sometime next week, and, considering the make-up of the court, to order an election re-run in all four states. The do-over would take place in time for the electoral college to meet and cast their votes as detailed in the constitution.
Political pundits predict that, should the do-over be ordered, Trump will carry all four states, which had previously been placed in the Biden column. That prediction is based on the fact that Biden's lead in each state was less than the vote cast in those states for the Libertarian party candidate Jo Jorgensen, who will instruct her supporters to vote for Trump in the re-run.
"I don't want to be another Ralph Nader,' Jorgensen told The Spoof, referring to Nader's 2000 vote in Florida that cost Dole that state and the presidency.
After Giuliani filed his petition with the court, Trump tweeted: "Did you really think I'd let Biden get away with stealing the election? FOUR MORE YEARS!" Trump supporters immediately held impromptu rallies in cities and hamlets all across the country.
In Las Vegas, Trump is so heavily favored to win the feared re-run, that casino operators have refused to take bets on its results.