Homeowners from Las Vodkas, Nevada to Boozeman, Montana have been pleasantly surprised to discover their rain barrels brimming over with a libation not unlike VSOP Cognac after recent storms coming in from the west.
"It should really come as no surprise," declared Dr. Al Koholek, professor of chemistry in Boozey, Idaho. "It's a simple matter of distillation on a grand scale. When those wildfires gutted the Napa valley, a metric shitload of wine got boiled off. The rain we're getting downwind is simply the distillate, or condensate, call it what you will."
Added Dr. Beryl Tapper, a food scientist at the same university: "Analysis of rainwater over the past week has shown it to contain more than thirty percent alcohol, sometimes as high as fifty-five percent. This is more than enough to sterilize any bird poop that washes off your shingles, so my advice is to drink as much as you can hold out of your rain barrels, and bottle the rest for winter. The smoky notes of this brandy are simply to die for!"