Rumours of a Friends reunion special being filmed when Covid restrictions are lifted, have caused a frenzy of activity. People are ditching face masks, swapping saliva-dripping drinking glasses, and having face-licking orgies.
“Is that all we have to do?” asked one worried comedy fan. “Just keep the virus spreading, then it won't come back - you promise?”
“I could release a plague of man-eating locusts into the studio or kill a few first borns to show we mean business,” stated Father Seamus O’Hodge. “If that’s what’s required to protect our way of life, I’m your man.”
The special episode, ‘The one where everyone pauses for a moment while the audience show their appreciation of the unique humour of Joey waving at himself in the mirror, but the moment lasts five minutes because someone forgot to switch on the canned laughter’, may be retitled for something longer, so that there’s no actual time for the show itself.
Cultural vacuum prevention plans include luring one of the Friends to play Bond. “I’m hoping we can start filming a back-to-back Bond trilogy when Covid restrictions are lifted, so there’ll be no time to film Friends,” said a desperate Martin Scorsese. “I can see it now, ‘The name’s Bond, Jennifer Bond’.”
A Black Ops unit will also psych out actor Matt Le Blanc by kidnapping Joey's Lay-Z-boy chair.
“Without it, they’re dead,” said a NSA spokesperson. “It’s the most authentic part of the show.”
