Phoenix, Arizona - President Donald Trump, after a local rally in which he railed against the awarding of Oscars for Best Picture and Best Director given to the creators of the movie "Parasite", has signed a hastily-drawn-up executive order this morning, ordering the Motion Picture Academy to "remove the Oscars from the possession of the South Korean filmmakers and present them to an American film without subtitles that have to be read by Americans who speak English" according to witnesses.
Sources in the administration reported that the President watched the first five minutes of the film on Air Force One, but gave up after attempting to follow the English captions to the Korean language film.
At his MAGA rally, which included several film critics of note, Trump attacked the "Hollywood elite" who forced Americans to read subtitles. "What is that? Gone With the Wind was a much better movie, and you did not have to read what was going on," said the President. “Many people are saying I deserve an Oscar for Home Alone, but they cut my scenes. Besides, South Korea owes us money. It’s all very unfair!"