With Trump's Acquittal, the Pardons Will Now Start to Roll

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 6 February 2020

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You're pardoned

The White House, Washington D. C. Woof Blister reporting for SIN - Spoof International News. Sources inside the West Wing reveal that White House lawyers have been quietly preparing pardons for the half-dozen or more Trump associates either already imprisoned, sentenced or awaiting sentence on convictions or guilty pleas related to illegal acts, some tied to the president.

A leaked version of a proposed tweet to be issued by the president very soon reads: "These men were as much the victims of the House witchhunt as I was. They were abused by the FBI, railroaded by legal zealots in the federal courts, and sentenced by partisan judges. Had they been tried by the U S Senate, all would have been acquitted."

Among those expected to be fully pardoned are Michael Flynn, Roger Stone and Paul Manafort, high profile names close to Trump. Manafort has received the longest sentence - 7.5 years, and is likely to be the first pardoned. Flynn, facing only probation, has now recanted his confession. He and Stone may be pardoned before they have been sentenced.

Then there is the case of Michael Cohen, the president's personal attorney. Sentenced to three years, he provided a mountain of information to investigators and to a House committee, implicating the president. HE may be the only felon not pardoned by Trump.

And will Trump make a special case for George Papadopoulos, who only served 12 days in jail, then filed to run for a congressional seat in California?

It is expected that Trump will not pardon all at once, spacing the pardons for maximum political effect. Some of the men may hold prominent positions in Trump's re-election campaign.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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