Concord, New Hampshire - Attorney Michael Avenatti appeared at a hastily-called news conference at the New Hampshire State Capitol building, declared himself the victor of yesterday's Iowa Caucus, and vowed to capture the Democratic nomination for president.
Avenatti, who observers noted, was wearing an ankle monitoring device, flew in last night from California, where he is awaiting trial on several Federal and State charges related to his representation of Stormy Daniels and other high-profile clients.
"Our campaign has struck a nerve with the electorate, especially after the upcoming dismissal of Donald Trump by the Senate," said Avenatti to the assembled array of reporters. "Why fool around with a president who uses taxpayer funds to bribe foreign governments, and pays porn stars to keep quiet, when you can have me in the White House?" he explained to the puzzled group. "We're going to take New Hampshire, and then it's on to Nevada and South Carolina!"