Sarajevo, Serbia. Woof Blister reporting for SIN - Spoof International News. Despite denials by the Iowa Democratic party that hackers had disrupted the count from the state's Democratic caucuses - the first votes in the 2020 presidential election - sources have told Spoof International News that the snafu was not a natural one.
Instead, Serbian hackers, at the instigation of the Serbian government in Sarajevo, devastated the results in an effort to punish Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden, two of the leading Democratic candidates, for their having cast pro-war votes in support of President Bill Clinton's call for an air strike on Serbia during the Kosovo War in 1999.
The chaos that followed the hacking delayed the delegate count several hours, with most of the candidates leaving Iowa without knowing how they did statewide in the race for delegates.
When asked if he regretted his pro-war vote, the usually anti-war Sanders simply said "On to New Hampshire."
Biden wondered if Donald Trump had made a phone call to the Serbian president, promising whatever if the Serbs would disrupt the Iowa vote. Alan Dershowitz, responding for Trump, said the president could do whatever was in the public interest, such as scuttling opposition candidates, if Trump thought his re-election was for the good of the nation.
The Serbs are suspected of having stacked the caucus voting in favor of little known Democratic candidate, Etaoin Shrdlu, currently hiding out in the Venezuelan embassy in Ottawa after leaking the Mueller Report.